The Past Tense of Love

Paris. January, 2016. The train slowly pulls into the final station on the line as the PA buzzer goes off, “Port De Bagnolet. C'est la dernière station. S'il vous plaît, descendez ici.” Seated by the window, I was still in a daze and completely unaware that I was the only one left in the derelict carriage. This separation withdrawal, a whirlwind of memories, was to be expected after spending a week with her in Edinburgh but nothing that I did could have prepared myself for its onslaught.

Fast forward. Singapore. September, 2017. I was still trying to relive those moments precariously through the images as though they were stuck in a loop. The only difference was that the old ’she' no longer existed. It felt like everything was happening too quickly and before I realised it, we were both on our own again. But the loop kept playing on and on.

What if love is capable of continuing even after it has ended? We always talk about love existing in our current reality but we hardly talk about the footprint that it leaves behind and how it changes our lives. Maybe that is why there are hardly any words to describe love in the past tense at all. My personal experience these past few months has taught me that in the aftermath of all the brokenness, perhaps love can indeed go on - albeit in a form where words have failed and only these photos could make up for it.

The Past Tense of Love

Where I laid my eyes on her for the first time as she waited for me at the arrival hall ..

Where I laid my eyes on her for the first time as she waited for me at the arrival hall ..

Where we embraced each other for the very first time ..

Where we took our first photograph together ..

Where I accidentally stepped on human faeces ..

Where we had our hot Briyani rice on a cold day with her friend ..

Where we had red velvet cake at her favourite local cafe ..

Where we had ice cream and breakfast on the first morning together ..

Where we had our first dinner together with her closest friends ..

Where we had our first dinner together with her closest friends ..

Where we caught our first movie together ..

When she dared me to go up to the cashier to buy one of these postcards with half-naked men in kilts ..

Where I took a photograph of her and her friend on our first evening together ..

Where she introduced me to the best xmas balls and doughnuts ..

Where she also brought me to one of the simplest but yet delicious beef burgers ..

The Edinburgh Christmas Market, a magical place where it all happened at ..

When she cooked Thai Basil Chicken for my first meal at her place ..

Tesco, where we did several grocery runs together ..

Where so many memories are stored ..

Where she used to stand and smile at me ..

Where she stood overlooking the city as I began recording our first trip together ..

Where we stepped out of the car and I photographed her by one of the lochs ..

Where we stopped over for breakfast en route to Isle of Skye ..

Where she sat and had her cup of coffee ..

The beautiful town of Portree ..

Where we stayed in Portree ..

Where it led to our room ..

Where we used to sit for fish & chips ..

The famous fish & chips that we had ..

Where we sat for a dinner during our stay in Cafe Aribba ..

Where we sat and fought over who got more scoops of the most delicious sticky toffee pudding ..

Where she pranked me - pretending to hold my hand on our way back to the hostel when in actual fact, she was just putting peeled orange skin into my hands ..

Where I eventually threw away the peeled orange skin ..

Where we hiked up to watch the sunrise over Old Man of Storr ..

Where she sat comfortably with a book in her hands, waiting for me to get my shot ..

Where she walked off into an adventure of a lifetime ..

Where she lent me a pair of boots to waddle into the river for my shot ..

Where we took her favourite photograph of us together while I looked like a bank robber ..

Where she walked off into an adventure of a lifetime ..

Where we drove out to in the middle of the night to catch the aurora lights ..

Where we stopped by the road to enjoy the view and bask in each other's company ..

Where she kicked me (kiddingly) on my chest as we caught a beautiful sunset at this secret hideout ..

Where I asked if we were officially together yet and she replied glaringly, "Are we not?"

Where she stood, by the cliff, sinking into the beauty of the sunlight from behind ...

Where we sat together and made a video for our future selves ..

Where I finally let go ..

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Ps. Sometimes, we need to make a monster out of the past in order to let go but this time round, I chose to take the long and tedious way of coming to terms with the beautiful memories that was once shared together and say, "I'm glad we had these."

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Where we bid goodbye ..